How to write a novel

I've written five. Okay, okay, so I'm counting that last one as two because I'm going to break it in half and make two out of it. Whatever. That doesn't qualify me for much, but at least my "technique" has worked more than once.

I think I'll let my list speak for itself.

Here's what I do:

⇐ open door inside brain
➜ watch character do or say something strange
➘ ponder what this means
↑ become obsessed with character
⇔ want to find out what this means
➤ flesh out character so I can see what it means
↵ start asking character(s) snoopy questions about their background
↓ allow other characters to latch on for the ride
➷ grab a bunch of random, unconnected ideas floating in the media, the zeitgeist, or the air and see if they apply to the character(s)
➯ watch in amazement as some ideas stick when thrown at the character(s)
➬ read up on more stuff like those ideas, in depth
← throw more stuff at the character(s)
↕ start fleshing out connections between character's background and ideas which are sticking to character(s)
➽ envision a place in which the character(s) and the ideas coexist
➚ flesh it out in excruciating detail, doodling and dawdling
⇐ get a vague idea of what happens in the middle/end of the story
➲ sharpen a dozen pencils, none of which will be used in the process, but the act of sharpening gives more time to ponder
➹ point brain in direction of the ending
➠ start writing stuff down

The battle cry of scandal

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Rampaging through the mini-mall parking lot, clutching a bladed baseball bat, cometh Pjthompson! And she gives a booming scream: "Brace yourself, oh human speck of dust! I plunder until my glands are satisfied!!!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

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Quotes of the day:

"A good actor has to know how to make a good scandal."

—Jack Nicholson


"Every new technology we get, the first thing people do is figure out how to commit a crime with it, and the second is to figure out how to do real damage with it."

—Connie Willis, interview, Locus, January 2003