Letting go

[pjthompson]

I’ve been coming to terms with my own physical limitations for the last week. I blew my knee out over the weekend and have had a hard time getting around. I had to borrow my mother’s spare walker, which was a huge blow to my ego, especially bringing it to work. I hate the melodrama of it—but it works better and causes me less pain than using a cane. The knee is progressively getting better. I’m hopeful that if I keep off my feet as much as possible this weekend I can do without the walker on Monday. Still, it feels like a ghostly voice whispering in my ear, “You are getting old.”

The truth is, I’ve been dealing with these physical limitations for awhile now. I’ve known for over a year that I need surgery in both knees. I’ve got no cartilage left at all. But I’ve been limping along because . . . who will take care of Mom when I’m laid up?

The recovery is actually a lot quicker than I thought it would be. My doctor says most people are walking up stairs after a couple of weeks. And I want to be able to walk again! This last week has shown me that the time for procrastination is done. Since there’s no one in the family to help me, I’m just going to have to scrape up the money to hire someone. Fortunately, Mom is still relatively high function. We’re talking about someone to run errands, cook meals, keep her on track with the meds and therapies, take her to doctor’s appointments. I’ve got an ambulance company that can take her to and from dialysis. I just have to let go of my protective need to take care of everything myself.

That, of course, is the hardest thing of all to do.

Mirrored from Better Than Dead.

Comments

[cathemery.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[pjthompson.livejournal.com]

Aw, thank you.

[hominysnark.livejournal.com]

What Cath said. :)

[pjthompson.livejournal.com]

Thanks, sistah.

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

Good for you!

[pjthompson.livejournal.com]

The Universe only has to slap me upside the head 30 or 40 times before I finally get the message. ;-)

[frigg.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Here's to a speedy recovery. I'm sure you'll be feeling so much better after the surgery. And I think it'll probably be good for you to be forced to let go of that need to take care of everything yourself for a little while. Only wish you had family that could help.

[pjthompson.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I do believe that's true. Getting to that point has been the hardest part. At least, I hope so.

[rudi12.livejournal.com]

if I could help you! I will pray the God for His mercy to you.

[pjthompson.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I can use all the positive thoughts I can garner. :-)

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

I'm very glad that you're having this surgery, which will surely improve your quality of life. And as for your mother, you're still taking care of everything! Your taking-care in this case has involved finding people and services to do certain jobs you can't for the period that you can't--so you've delegated--but you are still taking care.

[pjthompson.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I'm trying, in my obsessive way, to recognize that. :-)

[helios137.livejournal.com]

Sorry about your knees. I-Love has the same condition. It is especially hard for her when she is walking one of our Bernese Mountain Dogs and something hops out of a bush, like a squirrel and she has to hold on to the leash for dear life. I hope you mend very quickly and that a suitable substitute for surgery manifests into your life.

[pjthompson.livejournal.com]

Thanks. At this point, I don't think there is a substitute for surgery. I've talked to many people and the technology has advanced considerably in recent years. I've heard a lot of positive things. Fingers crossed.