Messages and murk

[pjthompson]

I’ve been feeling sorry for myself the last couple of days for various reasons. Just this morning I was lying in bed doing a “poor me” routine in my head. I eventually told myself to put a sock in it and get over myself. As I swung my legs out of bed I noticed a stamped envelope sitting on the floor next to the bed that I’d swear wasn’t there before.

Let me back up a bit first before going there.

A few nights ago, I had a dream about my cousin S. We had a “misunderstanding” not quite a year and a half ago and haven’t spoken since. I love her and regretted things were that way but I didn’t know if I should contact her. I didn’t know if she’d welcome contact. So, I took the easy way out and stayed silent. It’s not as if I have a lot of relatives left in this world. I’ve got really good friends, for which I’m very grateful, but not that many relatives left that I’m close to. Oh, there are legions of cousins and even a niece or nephew or two but I hardly know them. They’re virtually strangers. But S. has been in my life most of my life. This dream reminded me of that.

When I got up the morning after the dream I did a lot of thinking. I very much believe in dreams as messages, both from the deeper core of who we are and from that part of us that is connected to the larger universe. I thought this dream might be something of the latter. I thought I had to reach out, but I wasn’t brave enough for an email and most especially not a call. I texted S. and asked how she was doing. She texted me back and we chatted a bit. No mention was made of the misunderstanding (for which I am grateful—not that brave) but at least we talked and were friendly.

I really don’t want to lose contact with her. I really want her to know that she means a lot to me. Maybe I’ll work up the courage to say/do more later, but for now I’ve done what I could.

So, that envelope on the floor this morning. I recognized it before I picked it up and it did startle me to see it. Inside was a letter from my aunt, S.’s mother, who died of breast cancer some years ago. She wrote it while going through chemo and although she did have a lot to say about how miserable she felt, her pluck and sense of humor also came through strongly. She faced that trial with courage. It did give me some much-needed perspective.

The thing is, as I said, I don’t remember it being there the night before. And coming as it did so closely on the heels of that dream about S.…It was too much of a coincidence for me to pass it off as coincidence. I had pulled some books out of the bookshelf near the bed yesterday that hadn’t been moved in quite some time, so maybe the letter had been tucked in with them—although I can’t imagine why I would put it there. It was a precious letter to me. And, anyway, I only put that information here in the spirit of full disclosure and for those who need the comfort of coincidence to get them through the day. For me, it was no coincidence.

Now, what was my aunt or the universe was trying to tell me? That’s a bit murkier. Was it a rebuke for not contacting S. before, for the misunderstanding, for not having the courage to communicate more? Was it a thank you for doing what I had done? Was it reinforcing the “get over yourself” for feeling self-pity? Was it a reminder that I needed to finish that story based on my aunt? Or was it just a general “hey there”?

I’m afraid figuring that out is beyond me at this point, though I’ll work on it. That’s the thing about “communications.” They are often quite murky. It’s part of our process to figure them out on our own, I think. We learn more that way, I guess. But dang.

Maybe the message is as simple as don’t take things for granted. Don’t take this life for granted. Get on with what you’re meant to do in this life and be good to the people you care for because it and they can be taken from you at any moment. Use the gifts you have been given. That’s the true mission for any of us in this world. That, I believe, is what the Universe truly requires of us: use it or lose it.

Comments

[pjthompson]

Date: 2019-01-09 03:39 am (UTC)
sartorias: (Default)
From: [personal profile] sartorias IP Address: (47.154.8.76)
Maybe, a reminder of what a precious gift time is, and to use it effectively? That poor woman had hers taken away from her.

[pjthompson]

Date: 2019-01-09 03:56 am (UTC)
pjthompson: (Default)
From: [personal profile] pjthompson IP Address: (2605:e000:5ac3:e900:d561:90c2:3b08:1cac)
That's a good possibility and fits right in with where I'm at. My poor aunt should have had many more years with her family.

[pjthompson]

Date: 2019-01-09 05:08 am (UTC)
asakiyume: created by the ninja girl (Default)
From: [personal profile] asakiyume IP Address: (97.80.121.87)
Probably whatever interpretation you make of the message will be beneficial. It's like analyzing a story--more than one reading is possible, and there are plenty of things to notice and focus on.

I'm glad you and S were able to talk (text-talk).

[pjthompson]

Date: 2019-01-09 05:13 am (UTC)
pjthompson: (Default)
From: [personal profile] pjthompson IP Address: (2605:e000:5ac3:e900:d561:90c2:3b08:1cac)
Yes, it was good to take that tentative step towards her.

And yes, many messages are possible, but I do think the overall meaning may be to get a move on. Not waste precious time.

[pjthompson]

Date: 2019-01-09 03:53 pm (UTC)
lizziebelle: (Default)
From: [personal profile] lizziebelle IP Address: (4.16.8.144)
I don't believe in coincidence, either. You might try asking your aunt aloud what she wants to tell you, and see if she shows up in another dream.

[pjthompson]

Date: 2019-01-09 07:52 pm (UTC)
pjthompson: (Default)
From: [personal profile] pjthompson IP Address: (2605:e000:5ac3:e900:d561:90c2:3b08:1cac)
That's a good idea. Thanks for the suggestion.

[notasupervillain]

I do believe some people in the world have magic, if that's what you mean by being spiritual. But I also believe that I'm not one of them. Not in a pathetic sort of way, I have gifts, but not of the sort that you describe.

Might be the difference in how we see the world. I associate the magic with the person, not with an external force or spirit. So I don't consider myself as spiritual. I think it might just be a different perspective on the same thing.

[pjthompson]

Magic and spirituality are different things to me, although I'll allow there may be some crossover. Magic, like you said, is generated by a person or persons. Spirituality is a reverence for the Universe and its mysteries, and, what Dylan Thomas called, "the force that through the green fuse drives the flower." Nature outside us and inside us, both a separate force from us and, because we're also part of nature, something that drives us as well.

[notasupervillain]

Hm. I'm fascinated by this discussion, but the more we chat the less I feel like I understand what you mean!

[pjthompson]

Well, that's the problem with semi-mystical ditherings. They're sometimes opaque and hard to convey in straightforward language.

Let's see...I believe (belief being the operative word) that magic can be contained within a person. But I also believe there's some force outside of us that drives the Universe.

It's akin to quantum physics, I guess. Things get really strange and contradictory once you dive into that well. And are very hard to describe in a purely materialistic way. As Richard Feynman once said, "I think I can safely say that nobody understands quantum mechanics."

Here's something to think about:

https://www.mnn.com/green-tech/research-innovations/stories/parallel-worlds-exist-and-interact-with-our-world-say

[notasupervillain]

I sit comfortably with quantum physics. Not saying I fully understand it, because I'm not that good, but being non visual might help me here. I already expect the universe to follow mathematical rules - that's how I understand it. And that's what quantum is. If you have a mathematical formula, and all the assumptions in it are true, the end result must be true. Once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be correct.

But to me, that's saying that the universe operates on a complex system of probability curves. (I've never heard an explain of how multiple universe theory interacts with the fact that most options aren't 50/50, they're on a probability curve.) Those control our lives in ways we can't necessarily understand at a macro level. But I don't think of math as spiritual, unless everything is spiritual.

This math is, in many ways, the story I'm writing!

[pjthompson]

I can't speak to the mathematics because I'm an idiot at math. Perhaps that's my tradeoff: a vivid visual imagination but idiocy in math.

When I was trying to write a story involving parallel universes, I was helped quite a bit by the book Warped Passages: Unraveling the Mysteries of the Universe's Hidden Dimensions by Lisa Randall. She laid things out in a way that was comprehensible even to a math dummy like me. Of course, the edition I have was published in 2005, so God knows how much the science has changed since then. But it certainly was more solid than books like The Tao of Physics and The Dancing Wu Li Masters which tried to link quantum physics and mysticism and have been largely discredited by science (but became New Age darlings). Dr. Randall's book is not at all mystical.

So that's how I stumble around in this confusing subject: I have to rely on people who know what they're talking about speaking very clearly and slowly. :-D

[notasupervillain]

And perhaps that's how I deal with the mystical, which seems like something that happens to other people, but doesn't make sense to me!