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What's Up, What's Down
Jul. 24th, 2004 01:03 pmBoy howdy, what a couple of weeks. No serious, life-threatening or life-altering calumnies, just a big pile of extra-normal crud that got too high for me to handle gracefully. I always have a problem admitting to myself that I'm stressing—but life has a way of making us confront our unpleasant internal realities. Or to make that a me-statement rather than a passive statement: I was in denial. I overreacted to some things that don't usually phase me. I caused myself (and probably others) some deep discomfort. I am ashamed. Shame is not a productive emotion, but I am ashamed anyway.
Okay, so it's been hugely busy at work—not only last minute crash time trying to move a gargantuan camel of projects through the eye of a needle, but we're getting cranked up for moving into a new office building (hence, the last minute dumping of projects). Then, just to add spice to the soup, there's been High Melodrama on hand: full-on Bring Your Problems To Work Day(s). We all do this sometimes and to a certain extent, but this was intense and not my problems and not conducive to me getting my work done and "Not unsympathetic, but I don't have time to be a therapist right now." Enough said.
On the creative front, it all boils down to The Rewrite right now. I insist on having some creative time in my weeks, no matter how busy I am otherwise. It's the only thing that keeps me what-passes-for sane. And the rewrite progresses. I've finished through Ch 17 this week (which was the old ch 16). No stories bubbling on the back burner right now because there isn't much room in my brain for back burners at the moment, but that's okay. Focus is a good thing.
I pulled my stuff off OWW and won't post again for a month or two. It was one area where I could de-stress a bit. I hope to still do some crits for my regulars.
I postponed a medical test that my doctor wanted to schedule right in the middle of preparations for the office move. Mostly-routine and strictly precautionary, and my doctor agreed it was not something that had to be done right away. But it always manages to act on my imagination when it's looming and I so do not need an active imagination right now—at least in that area of my life. Besides, a close relative has her own medical subplot going right now. I don't think the plot of my life can take two such subplots at once. It's thematically unbalanced.
And by the end of this week, some of the workload and some of the melodrama had eased which brings hope of less insanity next week. I could go for a good cup of sanity right about now. I find myself sitting in the ash fall of my own emotion at the moment—not at all pleasant, being coated with the mucky stuff.
Still, I understand the difference between extra-normal muck and major life dramas. Knock wood.
Okay, so it's been hugely busy at work—not only last minute crash time trying to move a gargantuan camel of projects through the eye of a needle, but we're getting cranked up for moving into a new office building (hence, the last minute dumping of projects). Then, just to add spice to the soup, there's been High Melodrama on hand: full-on Bring Your Problems To Work Day(s). We all do this sometimes and to a certain extent, but this was intense and not my problems and not conducive to me getting my work done and "Not unsympathetic, but I don't have time to be a therapist right now." Enough said.
On the creative front, it all boils down to The Rewrite right now. I insist on having some creative time in my weeks, no matter how busy I am otherwise. It's the only thing that keeps me what-passes-for sane. And the rewrite progresses. I've finished through Ch 17 this week (which was the old ch 16). No stories bubbling on the back burner right now because there isn't much room in my brain for back burners at the moment, but that's okay. Focus is a good thing.
I pulled my stuff off OWW and won't post again for a month or two. It was one area where I could de-stress a bit. I hope to still do some crits for my regulars.
I postponed a medical test that my doctor wanted to schedule right in the middle of preparations for the office move. Mostly-routine and strictly precautionary, and my doctor agreed it was not something that had to be done right away. But it always manages to act on my imagination when it's looming and I so do not need an active imagination right now—at least in that area of my life. Besides, a close relative has her own medical subplot going right now. I don't think the plot of my life can take two such subplots at once. It's thematically unbalanced.
And by the end of this week, some of the workload and some of the melodrama had eased which brings hope of less insanity next week. I could go for a good cup of sanity right about now. I find myself sitting in the ash fall of my own emotion at the moment—not at all pleasant, being coated with the mucky stuff.
Still, I understand the difference between extra-normal muck and major life dramas. Knock wood.