Luck, please

Nerve-wracking event of the day: Well, okay, of the month. Of the last couple of months.

I'm leaving work early today so I can go with my mom to a doctor's appointment. We'll be discussing her surgery to have a shunt put in one of the arteries of one of her kidneys. This is a fairly routine procedure, so much so that they usually send folks home the same day. But my mom's health has been a bit precarious so they're going to keep her overnight and the surgery's been on again/off again as they try to get her blood pressure and other chem levels down. It's gotten to the point that they have to do the surgery even though the bp is still high because one of the reasons the bp is high is because her kidney is not functioning properly. So, maybe today we'll have a more definitive answer as to when the surgery will happen. If not, I may dissolve into a puddle of totally neurotic stress gelatin.

I think one of the reasons I've been focusing so hard on things lately is by way of distracting myself from thinking about the hard stuff. It's easier to get caught up in the minor distractions of day-to-day and to bury myself in work and to do a spiritual version of sticking my fingers in my ears and singing loudly, "La la la la la! I can't hear you! La la la la la!"

Unfortunately, the refrain of the hard stuff never quite goes away. It's an insistent base line thrumming beneath the surface of things. It makes for a very neurotic existence.

Wish me luck. Better yet, wish my mom (Donna) luck.

Update

Thanks to everyone who sent well wishes. I appreciate them a great deal.

Well, I feel better then I have since my mother told me last week that the doctor wanted to see me along with her. Talking to him, not getting things filtered through my mom's own sense of worry and anticipation of doom, eased some of the alarm. Things are not completely rosy—mom's got fluid around the heart. But that's probably due to the aggressive med (Menoxydyl) they had her on to bring down the blood pressure and other chems. Once they yanked her off that med last week, their theory was that the fluid would start to go away. Indications are that's happening, but we won't know for sure until her next ecocardiogram next week. In the meantime, they've given her a patch that should help with the skyrocketing bp. Still no indication when they can do the kidney procedure. Not until the fluid's gone, at any rate.

I think the doctor mostly wanted to see me today to cross all the t's and dot all the i's and cover his a--. Perhaps I'm too skeptical of the medical profession, but having had my thyroid disease badly mishandled by an arrogant chump some years back, I have reason to be mistrustful. Even so, I feel better than I did this morning.

Until the next time of alarm, this blog will now return to its regularly scheduled piffle. But maybe tomorrow. I'm rather exhausted tonight.