From the notebooks: Mindfulness
Dec. 18th, 2008 11:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pjthompsonI've been thinking a great deal about mindfulness in recent weeks—and constantly reminding myself to be mindful. And grateful, nonjudgmental, to do the right thing. So it was funny to run across this old write up last week that I did for some friends after attending a lecture by Thich Nhat Hahn.
October 8, 1997
Last night after jury duty I went to listen to Thich Nhat Hahn, Buddhist monk and all-around bon vivant, at the Santa Monica Civic. It was a mellow evening, to say the least. He spoke on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness.
Basically, mindfulness entails being aware of what you're doing while you're doing it in order to increase the amount of time you spend in your body and in the present tense, as opposed to worrying about the past, which is dead and gone, or worrying about the future, which doesn't exist. "As I am breathing in, I am aware of breathing in; as I am breathing out, I am aware of breathing out." In addition to awareness, mindfulness is the recognition of the emotions you have inside yourself. If you are angry, don't suppress your anger. Look at it squarely, acknowledge it, let it tell you what it needs to tell you. So you don't hurt another with it, walk away from the situation until you can return and talk about your anger without . . . anger. Above all, communicate—but in a kind way. It's the same with all the emotions. Never deny them. Acknowledge them, but be mindful of the feelings of others and release negative energy elsewhere until you can return and communicate rationally or release it.
He discussed techniques for dealing with negative emotions towards those you are in a relationship with in constructive ways—breathing techniques, songs, or just practical things like walking away and writing your negative emotion on a piece of paper and giving it to the one you feel this negativity towards if you still can't talk about it rationally within twenty-four hours. He even suggested this phraseology, "I am [angry] right now. I am doing my best to deal with it. Please help me get through this." Above all, he stressed, it is important to ask the assistance of the loved one in working through the negative emotion. But that is the hardest thing of all to do because our pride will not allow it.
The other concept, of course, is presence. Attempt to be fully present for those you care about; to listen when they need it and hope they reciprocate in kind.
It was much more richly expressed, much more detailed. Thich Nhat Hahn is especially eloquent, and able to communicate these concepts beautifully, but plainly. I'm not a Buddhist, but I am often inspired by their teachings.
(But Lynn and I still couldn't help dishing at some of the airy fairy outfits we saw. Also, I told Lynn, this was the kind of place that made me want to pull out a pack of Marlboros.)
Yes, it's difficult to be mindful, even at a lecture on mindfulness. But there's the other lesson: we strive for the best in ourselves, but we have to accept that we're human and flawed.
The other thing that I've been thinking a lot about lately is not giving too much energy to petty annoyances. Yes, it's difficult not to fall into a cult of irritation when you've had a string of things go wrong: broken garbage disposals, flat tires, wonky furnaces, and the like. But it seems to me, at least lately, that constantly reciting the list of what's going wrong gives these things more importance and energy than they rightfully deserve. They are what they are: what the living do. Every time I find myself listing petty annoyances, I remember that poem of the same name by Marie Howe and use it as my mantra to remind myself that I am still living, grateful to be alive, able to participate in the sacred day to day annoyances, mindful that my story is not over yet, that as long as I'm still alive I have the equally sacred opportunity of turning another page.
October 8, 1997
Last night after jury duty I went to listen to Thich Nhat Hahn, Buddhist monk and all-around bon vivant, at the Santa Monica Civic. It was a mellow evening, to say the least. He spoke on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness.
Basically, mindfulness entails being aware of what you're doing while you're doing it in order to increase the amount of time you spend in your body and in the present tense, as opposed to worrying about the past, which is dead and gone, or worrying about the future, which doesn't exist. "As I am breathing in, I am aware of breathing in; as I am breathing out, I am aware of breathing out." In addition to awareness, mindfulness is the recognition of the emotions you have inside yourself. If you are angry, don't suppress your anger. Look at it squarely, acknowledge it, let it tell you what it needs to tell you. So you don't hurt another with it, walk away from the situation until you can return and talk about your anger without . . . anger. Above all, communicate—but in a kind way. It's the same with all the emotions. Never deny them. Acknowledge them, but be mindful of the feelings of others and release negative energy elsewhere until you can return and communicate rationally or release it.
He discussed techniques for dealing with negative emotions towards those you are in a relationship with in constructive ways—breathing techniques, songs, or just practical things like walking away and writing your negative emotion on a piece of paper and giving it to the one you feel this negativity towards if you still can't talk about it rationally within twenty-four hours. He even suggested this phraseology, "I am [angry] right now. I am doing my best to deal with it. Please help me get through this." Above all, he stressed, it is important to ask the assistance of the loved one in working through the negative emotion. But that is the hardest thing of all to do because our pride will not allow it.
The other concept, of course, is presence. Attempt to be fully present for those you care about; to listen when they need it and hope they reciprocate in kind.
It was much more richly expressed, much more detailed. Thich Nhat Hahn is especially eloquent, and able to communicate these concepts beautifully, but plainly. I'm not a Buddhist, but I am often inspired by their teachings.
(But Lynn and I still couldn't help dishing at some of the airy fairy outfits we saw. Also, I told Lynn, this was the kind of place that made me want to pull out a pack of Marlboros.)
Yes, it's difficult to be mindful, even at a lecture on mindfulness. But there's the other lesson: we strive for the best in ourselves, but we have to accept that we're human and flawed.
The other thing that I've been thinking a lot about lately is not giving too much energy to petty annoyances. Yes, it's difficult not to fall into a cult of irritation when you've had a string of things go wrong: broken garbage disposals, flat tires, wonky furnaces, and the like. But it seems to me, at least lately, that constantly reciting the list of what's going wrong gives these things more importance and energy than they rightfully deserve. They are what they are: what the living do. Every time I find myself listing petty annoyances, I remember that poem of the same name by Marie Howe and use it as my mantra to remind myself that I am still living, grateful to be alive, able to participate in the sacred day to day annoyances, mindful that my story is not over yet, that as long as I'm still alive I have the equally sacred opportunity of turning another page.
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Date: 2008-12-19 01:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-19 05:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-19 04:28 pm (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2008-12-21 09:56 am (UTC)Thanks for this.
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Date: 2008-12-22 06:35 pm (UTC)As to the actual doing of it...it's impossible to stay in the moment and mindful all the time—maybe even most of the time. I think we do the best we can with it and not judge ourselves if we "forget to be mindful." :-)
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Date: 2008-12-22 06:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-12-22 06:41 pm (UTC)