Two characters in search of a plot
Feb. 13th, 2006 12:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pjthompson"I can't believe you said that. You know you're only engaging in plotting by stupidity or we would have cleared up this misunderstanding five years ago!"
"As you know, Bob, I have habitually engaged in plotting by stupidity for years. In fact, we engaged in it every chance we got back in the old days just before we launched into our campaign of melodrama. As I'm sure you remember."
"Yes, of course I remember, you idiot, I was there!"
"But there's always a chance you've contracted selective Alzheimer's and blotted out those years. Besides, if I'd made even a half-assed attempt to clear up this misunderstanding, I wouldn't have had any plot left at all."
"You're industrious. You could have thought up something else."
"I'm tired. To quote a friend of mine, 'This writing thing is hard.'"
"What do you mean, 'this writing thing'?"
"We're characters in a novel, Bob. As you know."
"I'm sure there's been some misunderstanding."
"As you know, Bob, I have habitually engaged in plotting by stupidity for years. In fact, we engaged in it every chance we got back in the old days just before we launched into our campaign of melodrama. As I'm sure you remember."
"Yes, of course I remember, you idiot, I was there!"
"But there's always a chance you've contracted selective Alzheimer's and blotted out those years. Besides, if I'd made even a half-assed attempt to clear up this misunderstanding, I wouldn't have had any plot left at all."
"You're industrious. You could have thought up something else."
"I'm tired. To quote a friend of mine, 'This writing thing is hard.'"
"What do you mean, 'this writing thing'?"
"We're characters in a novel, Bob. As you know."
"I'm sure there's been some misunderstanding."
no subject
Date: 2006-02-13 12:26 pm (UTC)That is all.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-13 01:33 pm (UTC)neither here nor there
Date: 2006-02-14 01:09 am (UTC)Re: neither here nor there
Date: 2006-02-14 05:46 am (UTC)Re: neither here nor there
Date: 2006-02-14 05:49 am (UTC)Re: neither here nor there
Date: 2006-02-14 09:54 am (UTC)Re: neither here nor there
Date: 2006-02-14 10:57 am (UTC)Re: neither here nor there
Date: 2006-02-14 11:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-13 03:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-13 04:10 pm (UTC)"Where am I?" she inquired.
"Where do you think you are?" the burly detective retorted.
She kicked him in the eyeball with her steel-toed Candies boots, then burst into a flood of tears over her situation.
"Ow, why did you kick me?" he cried achingly.
"Because you're stupid!" she screamed contemptuously. "Don't you know I had a bad childhood?"
"No, I didn't know," he moaned. "I somehow never would have thought it if you hadn't told me. Man, I wish I hadn't quit smoking."
Just that moment, a large book fell out of the burly detective's pocket. She picked it up and scanned it with her eyes.
Burley Detective Handbook
Chapter One
The International Burley Detective Squad was established in the year 1205 to protect the Altairian Tobacco Company's galactic farm outposts. Thanks to our Elite Squad of Burley Detectives, the Altairian Tobacco Company has never suffered more than a few minor losses of income over the past three galactic millennia.
"What is this shit?" she spat repugnantly.
"Allow me to answer that question," answered a man suavely. He had just entered the room, unnoticed by the amnesiac woman and the burly burley detective.
"Who are you?" she asked inquisitively.
"I am Stapledon," he replied helpfully. He reached into his bulging pants and felt around, smiling as her eyes grew wide. "Let me show you something."
And then he pulled out a jar of Tang.
"What does Tang have to do with this story?" retched the detective.
Just then, they were all beamed aboard the Mother Ship by the Abbess.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-13 04:32 pm (UTC)She preferred her Tang like she preferred her men: sweet and orange. There was a time she had preferred her Tang to be mixed with tea, but then her boyfriend of many years had taught her to drink it straight and she grew to liking it that way. Although she'd had a deprived childhood and never knew what Tang was until that day in 1907 when Professor Mounthood introduced her to the joys of Tang. He had an awfully big jar of Tang, and it had never tasted as good since, but that was the way things went and no use crying over spilt Tang.
"Penny for your thoughts?" inquired Bruce Burley.