All right, already!

[pjthompson]

I haven't composed anything but blog entries for a month and I haven't really missed the writing. I feel no big push to get back to writing fiction—even though for several years running this is the time of year when I start a new novel. I've even considered giving up writing completely (again), and it hasn't set off any kind of alarm in me. (Nor, I should note, inspired anything stronger than a vague "Yeah sure" in any of my friends—who have heard this song before. And before, and before...)

No comforting words are required from them (and they know that) because this is just something I am shifting through in my mind, and even as it shifts the Let's Get Real part of my brain knows that it's highly unlikely I will ever quit writing. But the paradigm may be shifting. I am reevaluating what it means to me to be a writer—and I have no idea where that may end up.

Over the weekend kateelliot led a Bittercon panel discussion on the subject of "Why do you write (and what does publishing have to do with it)?" I thought I should participate in that topic, but I didn't, mainly because at this point I haven't a fricking clue. I seem to be in one of my periodic redefinition phases, wherein I rethink everything from the ground up and consider other courses of behavior. Fortunately, these redefinitions aren't frequent—maybe once or twice a decade—but until they subside, my sense of mission fails me.

How can one have a mission if one is uncertain who one is?

Or maybe I've got that reversed. Lord knows there are plenty of people on missions precisely because they don't know who they are. Much damage therein ensues.

So let's just say I'm taking a break from who I am in order to see who I might become.

As a capper to my ponderfications, this quote came out of the file today:

Random quote of the day:

"You may be able to take a break from writing, but you won't be able to take a break from being a writer."

—Stephen Leigh

All right, already!

Comments

[wldhrsjen3.livejournal.com]

I love the painting!

Hm. I think I redefine myself - or try to - every few years. Or maybe I've been caught in the ebb and flow of one massive effort to embrace my identity, an effort that hasn't quite reached its culmination.

When I finally think I know who I am and what I want to do, to be - that's when the universe shakes me up and shoves me down. And then I have to struggle to my feet all over again.

And I get pulled in so many directions, sometimes. I know who I want to be, but that woman gets suffocated in drifts of demands and expectations. It's hard to maintain my own sense of self when I'm trying to be so many things to so many people.

Writing has always been one of my passions, but I've dithered around about it for *years.* I'm hoping this time I can devote myself to it - but who knows? I'm still in the process of figuring out what it means to be a writer. My ideas will likely change.

[pjthompson]

If you ain't changin' you're dead--or as good as. :-)

[geniusofevil.livejournal.com]

Ha! Your quote folder is out to get you!

[pjthompson]

I'm so persecuted!

[sartorias.livejournal.com]

*nodding*

[pjthompson]

:-)

[kmkibble75.livejournal.com]

The random quotes are wise.
All hail the random quotes.

[pjthompson]

lol--kinda naggy sometimes, though. :-)

[mrngglry98.livejournal.com]

I understand completely. Part of my re-evaluation has come from necessity, though. I simply *can't* write these days. I don't have the time, and I've had to sit around and ponder what that means. Especially with this NaNo fiasco, I'm starting to wonder if the writer in me has gone asleep for a little while. Hopefully not too long. 'Cos I kinda miss her. :(

[pjthompson]

She's gone on hiatus. You've got a hella lot of other stuff happening in your life now. She probably just needs a little R&R and will come back when things calm down.