I want a mountain by the sea I want a boat on the ocean

[pjthompson]

From the notebooks, July 31, 1990:



I want a mountain by the sea I want a boat on the ocean
near a mountain by the sea / deep sea deep blue that shade
just before night claims everything an indigo yes indigo /
the mountain by the sea is a dark outline a black hummock
and the boat rocks rocks rocks and the water laps laps laps
the boat at its mooring and the hummock by the sea bobs
up and up and up and down and down and down serene /
I want to get away be on that boat and know that any time
I can pull anchor and go maybe never really go but know
I could go lapping lapping lapping by the sea up and up
and up and down and down and down I want to live I want
to live like I never have / stop pretending stretching truth over
the bare bones of my life then pumping air into the skin so I
will be accepted always so goddamned worried about other
people's opinions lapping lapping lapping by the sea / the jewel
at the center of my heart the poet me the poetry of prose
that's when I live most drifting on lucid seas like that boat with
anchor pulled / I want to smash into the rocks by the mountain
by the sea break into bits and go down down down to the place
where the truth resides swishing its tail on the sandy bottom
making a hiding spot for itself lurking down down down at the
bottom of the sea where I cannot see it where it waits for prey
like me ignorant of it complacent in my boat by the mountain
by the sea lapping lapping lapping up and up and up and down
and down and down thinking maybe tomorrow maybe I’ll
climb that hummock when the light comes when indigo
surrenders to guava dawn and all things bear the false fruit
of truth the illusion of control the frilly morning light of peace
I will know my life then I will take it and make it mine up and
up and up down by the lapping lapping lapping of the sea.