Buried...treasure
Jun. 25th, 2009 11:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pjthompsonTODAY'S HOROSCOPE FROM THE ONION:
"All you wanted from life was to have close friends, a loving husband, and a little place of your own, but it seems the raccoons have other plans."
Wow, it's as if they've seen a movie of my life. There's probably a story there somewhere.
FOUND IN A USED FEMINIST BOOK ON AMERICAN INDIAN WOMEN:
• A brochure for this place, of Petoskey, Michigan and Boulder, Colorado.
• A piece of paper with this joke printed on it:
"A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh, you look about 29." "I am actually 47!" This makes him feel really good. While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and feel around down there for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age." As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady says, "Ok, it's done. You are 47." Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?" "I was behind you in McDonalds."
"All you wanted from life was to have close friends, a loving husband, and a little place of your own, but it seems the raccoons have other plans."
Wow, it's as if they've seen a movie of my life. There's probably a story there somewhere.
FOUND IN A USED FEMINIST BOOK ON AMERICAN INDIAN WOMEN:
• A brochure for this place, of Petoskey, Michigan and Boulder, Colorado.
• A piece of paper with this joke printed on it:
"A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh, you look about 29." "I am actually 47!" This makes him feel really good. While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and feel around down there for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age." As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady says, "Ok, it's done. You are 47." Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?" "I was behind you in McDonalds."