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Those wonderful holiday traditions
Nov. 15th, 2011 02:41 pmAs filtered through The Onion, that is.
Thousands Gather For Stuffing Of Giant Rockefeller Center Turkey.
Mirrored from Better Than Dead.
Those wonderful holiday traditions
Nov. 15th, 2011 02:41 pmAs filtered through The Onion, that is.
Thousands Gather For Stuffing Of Giant Rockefeller Center Turkey.
Mirrored from Better Than Dead.
My Onion horoscope
Aug. 2nd, 2011 04:43 pmPain will be yours this week when that Man from Nantucket finally hears all the terrible things you’ve been writing about him.
That Nantucket guy is so unforgiving.
Mirrored from Better Than Dead.
My Onion horoscope
Aug. 2nd, 2011 04:43 pmPain will be yours this week when that Man from Nantucket finally hears all the terrible things you’ve been writing about him.
That Nantucket guy is so unforgiving.
Mirrored from Better Than Dead.
My Onion Horoscope
Jul. 20th, 2011 12:28 pmCritics will call your first poetry collection a “stirring work of utmost courage and beauty,” which just goes to show how much mileage that man from Nantucket has.
Mirrored from Better Than Dead.
My Onion Horoscope
Jul. 20th, 2011 12:28 pmCritics will call your first poetry collection a “stirring work of utmost courage and beauty,” which just goes to show how much mileage that man from Nantucket has.
Mirrored from Better Than Dead.
My horoscope
Jan. 31st, 2011 11:48 amFrom The Onion:
“What begins as a Kafkaesque ordeal, will soon turn into an Orwellian nightmare, before unexpectedly becoming a Judy Blume-ish disaster.”
Mirrored from Better Than Dead.
My horoscope
Jan. 31st, 2011 11:48 amFrom The Onion:
“What begins as a Kafkaesque ordeal, will soon turn into an Orwellian nightmare, before unexpectedly becoming a Judy Blume-ish disaster.”
Mirrored from Better Than Dead.
Hoping that's not the case
Dec. 22nd, 2009 04:24 pmToday's Horoscope from The Onion:
"The National Institute of Raised Expectations Followed By Disappointing Results will come very close to honoring you this week."
"The National Institute of Raised Expectations Followed By Disappointing Results will come very close to honoring you this week."
Five things/post
Jul. 29th, 2009 11:55 am1. Since posting the Colin Firth quote with the Colin Firth wet shirt picture, I've had more women than using doing double takes outside my cubicle to "look" at the quote. (I don't know how much reading is actually going on.)
2. My latest non-alcoholic cocktail: one-half POM pomegranate-cherry, one-half orange juice. DE-licious! The OJ sweetens the POM without making it gacky sweet. And so good for you. Yes, yes, I know, the current thinking is "Don't drink your calories." Fruit juice is high in calories, but I love it so. Sometimes you just have to do what you love and eschew the calories.
3. Today's horoscope from The Onion: "Your creativity will be at an all-time high today. Take advantage of this by purchasing a second, larger bag of Popsicle sticks."
Hmm. Maybe I should take a break from the Popsicle stick diorama and tackle chapter 11 while I'm at it.
4. I've put myself on a strict, cash-only credit card diet. The only time I'm allowed off this diet is for car service, medical costs, vet costs, medicines. I did this once before and managed to stick with it for about three and a half years. I brought my indebtedness down by a bucketful. I've been on the current regime about a half week. I just got a medical bill for $341 for blood tests for my thyroid (my portion after insurance), with a promise of another $400 on the way, plus Science knows how much more for a little test I had last week. And I'm in relatively good health! And glad, all in all, that I have medical insurance. Guess I'll be eating plastic.
But our health care costs in this country are not out of line—no, no, no. Silly plebeian! And the millions of uninsured don't need relief from he crushing burden of trying to stay healthy. Ask the insurance industry—they'll tell you that competition for their rapaciousness is a bad thing that will only hurt the American people. /irony
5. I probably won't stop buying books, though. Maybe not as many online, but I cannot give up this Jones. Don't really want to, anyway. There is no cure, no insurance.
2. My latest non-alcoholic cocktail: one-half POM pomegranate-cherry, one-half orange juice. DE-licious! The OJ sweetens the POM without making it gacky sweet. And so good for you. Yes, yes, I know, the current thinking is "Don't drink your calories." Fruit juice is high in calories, but I love it so. Sometimes you just have to do what you love and eschew the calories.
3. Today's horoscope from The Onion: "Your creativity will be at an all-time high today. Take advantage of this by purchasing a second, larger bag of Popsicle sticks."
Hmm. Maybe I should take a break from the Popsicle stick diorama and tackle chapter 11 while I'm at it.
4. I've put myself on a strict, cash-only credit card diet. The only time I'm allowed off this diet is for car service, medical costs, vet costs, medicines. I did this once before and managed to stick with it for about three and a half years. I brought my indebtedness down by a bucketful. I've been on the current regime about a half week. I just got a medical bill for $341 for blood tests for my thyroid (my portion after insurance), with a promise of another $400 on the way, plus Science knows how much more for a little test I had last week. And I'm in relatively good health! And glad, all in all, that I have medical insurance. Guess I'll be eating plastic.
But our health care costs in this country are not out of line—no, no, no. Silly plebeian! And the millions of uninsured don't need relief from he crushing burden of trying to stay healthy. Ask the insurance industry—they'll tell you that competition for their rapaciousness is a bad thing that will only hurt the American people. /irony
5. I probably won't stop buying books, though. Maybe not as many online, but I cannot give up this Jones. Don't really want to, anyway. There is no cure, no insurance.
Buried...treasure
Jun. 25th, 2009 11:45 amTODAY'S HOROSCOPE FROM THE ONION:
"All you wanted from life was to have close friends, a loving husband, and a little place of your own, but it seems the raccoons have other plans."
Wow, it's as if they've seen a movie of my life. There's probably a story there somewhere.
FOUND IN A USED FEMINIST BOOK ON AMERICAN INDIAN WOMEN:
• A brochure for this place, of Petoskey, Michigan and Boulder, Colorado.
• A piece of paper with this joke printed on it:
"A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh, you look about 29." "I am actually 47!" This makes him feel really good. While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and feel around down there for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age." As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady says, "Ok, it's done. You are 47." Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?" "I was behind you in McDonalds."
"All you wanted from life was to have close friends, a loving husband, and a little place of your own, but it seems the raccoons have other plans."
Wow, it's as if they've seen a movie of my life. There's probably a story there somewhere.
FOUND IN A USED FEMINIST BOOK ON AMERICAN INDIAN WOMEN:
• A brochure for this place, of Petoskey, Michigan and Boulder, Colorado.
• A piece of paper with this joke printed on it:
"A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh, you look about 29." "I am actually 47!" This makes him feel really good. While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question. She replies, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down your pants and feel around down there for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age." As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady says, "Ok, it's done. You are 47." Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?" "I was behind you in McDonalds."
And the other thing?
Jun. 2nd, 2009 10:51 amI'm sure it's not at all a Freudian slip that when I mention the name of Johnny Depp's new movie (opening July 1 in which he's playing John Dillinger), I keep typing "Pubic Enemies."
TODAY'S ONION HOROSCOPE: Although the editors at Penguin have received your letters and are sorry you do not "get" Milton, they will refuse to make any of your 3,264 suggested changes to Paradise Lost.
In other news: God spare me from those who are ideologically pure.
TODAY'S ONION HOROSCOPE: Although the editors at Penguin have received your letters and are sorry you do not "get" Milton, they will refuse to make any of your 3,264 suggested changes to Paradise Lost.
In other news: God spare me from those who are ideologically pure.
Coincidences and I told you so's
May. 12th, 2009 10:51 amItem the first.
Kevin and I dined at the same place in Lyme Regis, but five years apart.
Item the second.
Today's horoscope from The Onion:
"You have no idea who the hell this Orwell guy was, but he sure screwed up when he didn't fill up that farm with hilarious monkeys."
(Okay, okay, so it was yesterday's horoscope, but I read it today, and it does go wonderfully well with today's random quote of the day.)
Item the third.
This is the reason I verify every quote, whether I get them from the net or quoted in books or wherever. This sort of thing happens all the time, albeit on a more modest scale. I've been nailed by this in the past myself. I've even found favored authors who have tampered with quotes in order to make them fit their books or stories more closely. The only time I don't verify quotes is when I've read the actual original source and excerpted it myself. Because most times, I've found, I can trust myself. Though not always.
And, yes, I'm obsessive, too.
Kevin and I dined at the same place in Lyme Regis, but five years apart.
Item the second.
Today's horoscope from The Onion:
"You have no idea who the hell this Orwell guy was, but he sure screwed up when he didn't fill up that farm with hilarious monkeys."
(Okay, okay, so it was yesterday's horoscope, but I read it today, and it does go wonderfully well with today's random quote of the day.)
Item the third.
This is the reason I verify every quote, whether I get them from the net or quoted in books or wherever. This sort of thing happens all the time, albeit on a more modest scale. I've been nailed by this in the past myself. I've even found favored authors who have tampered with quotes in order to make them fit their books or stories more closely. The only time I don't verify quotes is when I've read the actual original source and excerpted it myself. Because most times, I've found, I can trust myself. Though not always.
And, yes, I'm obsessive, too.
This just in...
May. 6th, 2009 03:05 pmThe Onion radio reports on an important archaeological find and one man's attempt to keep it safe—really, really, really safe.
Oh, and this just in from one of his colleages.
Oh, and this just in from one of his colleages.
So that's what I'm doing wrong
Apr. 24th, 2009 02:32 pmFrom today's Onion Horoscope:
You'll write one of the best-selling children's books of all time when you cynically put every sugar-coated lie anyone ever told you into the mouth of an anthropomorphic hippo.
You'll write one of the best-selling children's books of all time when you cynically put every sugar-coated lie anyone ever told you into the mouth of an anthropomorphic hippo.
Cthulu for school board president
Mar. 2nd, 2009 12:26 pmThe Onion always has its pulse on the vital issues of the day. Not to mention its throbbing, ripped from the chest, still-beating heart...
A change in curriculum in Arkham, Mass.
And then there's this from today's The Onion calendar.
A change in curriculum in Arkham, Mass.
And then there's this from today's The Onion calendar.
So that's where I went wrong
Jan. 23rd, 2009 04:08 pmMy horoscope from The Onion:
"Your new Civil War novel would have made a welcome addition to the corpus of American historical fiction if its main storyline hadn't already been used in an episode of Knight Rider."
"Your new Civil War novel would have made a welcome addition to the corpus of American historical fiction if its main storyline hadn't already been used in an episode of Knight Rider."
Dropping the chiseled jaw
Jun. 28th, 2008 01:13 pmHow did I end up on the cover of this Romance novel?
(Stolen from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-syndicated.gif)
booksquare who got it from elsewhere.)
(Stolen from
booksquare who got it from elsewhere.)Now I know where Carsten came from
Mar. 13th, 2007 12:30 pmFrom ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
hominysnark via kmkibble75
Random quote of the day:
No man ever yet became great by imitation.
—Dr. Samuel Johnson
(Old Sam must have heard me talking about him the other day and just had to pop out of the file today.)
Just in time for Valentine's Day of the day:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39476
hominysnark via kmkibble75 | You scored as Blade. Thats right you are the booty kicking you cross me and I will stomp a mudhole in your butt type. Sexy and a great fighter with mad fighting skills
Whose your Vampire personality? (images) created with QuizFarm.com |
Random quote of the day:
No man ever yet became great by imitation.
—Dr. Samuel Johnson
(Old Sam must have heard me talking about him the other day and just had to pop out of the file today.)
Just in time for Valentine's Day of the day:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39476
