First chapter fail

[pjthompson]

If by chance you missed this over at Nathan Bransford's blog, Valerie Kemp has written an excellent guest blog on the subject of first chapters.

It's got me thinking of my own first chapters from my finished novels and analyzing why they succeeded or failed. Ms. Kemp makes the excellent point that a first chapter is a promise to the reader about what the rest of the book is going to be like. If it's a high-action chapter, the reader probably expects the rest of the book to be high-action. If it's leisurely and contemplative, then that projects into the reader's mind a much different book.

She makes a number of excellent points which I won't reiterate here—go read the original. But that concept up there in my previous paragraph is one of those should-be-obvious things that often gets overlooked. I know I've overlooked it many times. Sometimes I catch it in the rewrites and make good on that promise to the reader, sometimes not.

I'm thinking in particular of my third novel, Shivery Bones. The first chapter was an action-filled chase scene involving the hero, Ezra. Very in media res, and at the end a burst of unexpected magic. Which was gripping, but not reflective of the story as a whole. Oh yeah, there were actiony bits, more fights and chases, and throughout the book I like to think there were bursts of unexpected magic, but the bulk of the story was much more about the internal journeys of the hero and the heroine, Jolene. She has to learn to love and trust again after terrible tragedy and to accept the natural cycle of life, and Ezra...well, pretty much the same thing, with the added twist of realizing that true love is sometimes about sacrificing your own best interests for the sake of someone else.

None of that was in my first chapter. An early critter said something of the sort to me. "If I didn't know you wrote more contemplative books, I probably wouldn't have read on since this chapter has a lot of adrenaline going on." I ignored that criticism, thinking it beside the point. Very late in the game with this novel, after I'd sent it out many times, I realized the truth of this insight. But it took a rejection from an agent to drive that nail home: "The rest of this book wasn't what I expected from the first chapter."

I wrote a new first chapter which at least had a more contemplative and mysterious vibe to it—centering on Jolene this time rather than Ezra, then transitioning into the action chapter. I think it makes a stronger novel. Unfortunately, during the years I tried selling it with its original first chapter, the market has become saturated with certain tropes used in the story, making it a hard sell, with diminishing chances it would sell. I'd moved on to novels four, five, and six so reluctantly trunked this one.

Would it have fared any better in the market if I'd taken my early betas advice and written a new chapter one back then? Absolutely impossible to say. There are probably other flaw bombs in there that haven't yet exploded in my consciousness. But I do know that writing a new first chapter was the right thing for this book, and the right thing in terms of that implied promise to the reader.

Comments

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

Wow, yeah. *sigh* This is probably what's wrong with one of my ones, too. The first chapter is very this-world, and most of the story takes place in a different world.

Weirdly, I have a(n unpublished) short story with a character named Ezra in it, and I'm right now writing a short story narrated by a woman named Jolene. You and I have similar taste in names, I guess. At least for story characters.

[pjthompson.livejournal.com]

lol--well, Ezra's real, full name is Ezra ben Shimon (though he often goes by Ezra Benjamin). I wanted something Hebrew without being too Biblical. And I chose Jolene because she's from Appalachia and I've always loved that Dolly Parton song, but Ezra also sounds like it could be from Appalachia, too, and I've always liked it.

Oh, and I think if right at the end of your chapter we get a glimpse of that other world, it would probably work.

[asakiyume.livejournal.com]

I wrote that comment, then had to go off for an hour doing taxi service, and as I drove, I thought to myself, "Why did I tell her the name of the character in my current story is Jolene? It isn't Jolene at all; it's Janelle." There are two possibilities--one is that my brain has become jello. This is probably the case. But, trying to push the jello hypothesis away (I prefer other desserts), I thought another possible explanation is that I really love the song "Jolene," too. So maybe that explains it...

Re: the novel, I've pretty much trunked it--there are other things working against it. But now I want to go back and look at it and see exactly what *is* in the first chapter.

[pjthompson.livejournal.com]

The way I look at the novels in the trunk is that they aren't dead, they're resting. Maybe they'll rest forever, or maybe I'll get a sudden burst of enthusiasm and fix them, or maybe I'll actually get one of the others published and some agent or editor will be interested in the others. Who knows?

[queenoftheskies.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the link. That's a great post.

[pjthompson.livejournal.com]

I thought so.

[hominysnark.livejournal.com]

Well, crap. Now I'm doubting my first chapter.

[pjthompson.livejournal.com]

Oh gnoes!!! You know, I don't think any of this is hard and fast.

[asatomuraki.livejournal.com]

Me, too. But I honestly think your first chapter is okay. It may not set up the fact that they think there is a conspiracy against the Empress or the Umbra, but it sets up the world and the Umbra (which is the first shadow conspiracy, har, har)and is in keeping with the tone of the rest of the thing.

Me, I already know I need to re-write my first chapter, but now I'm focusing on finishing the damned novel.

[pjthompson.livejournal.com]

What Olivia said. What I recall of your chapter set up the world and the center conflict really well. It doesn't have to be a perfectly encapsulated version of your entire novel.

[frigg.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm...I don't think I have any first chapter discrepancies, but I do think that there is an OWW trend that first chapters much be action-packed and if not, so packed with tension that it makes your teeth whine. :)

[pjthompson.livejournal.com]

Yes, and I think that's unfortunate. Not every book in the sff realm has to be or will be that kind of book, so not every first chapter has to be that kind of chapter. There's a certain mindset that's taken over on OWW, a certain narrow slice of the field that is dominating.

[kmkibble75.livejournal.com]

First chapters are rough, especially when you're trying to plant a few nuggets of ideas that will come into play later, but aren't necessarily right up front and center. And then there's always the idea of catching people's attention, and what the best way to do that is. It's really just a massive crapshoot, much like the rest of the process.

[pjthompson.livejournal.com]

Yep, but I think if you deliver on the promise of "what the rest of the book is like" you're ahead of the game. Which your first chapter seems to do. :-D

[kmkibble75.livejournal.com]

Very glad to hear that! :-)